I want a WonkaPhone.

Technology freaks me out. I wish I could say it geeks me out. But I don't understand it enough to claim the fame of geekdom. I still think television is magic. Go ahead and explain it to me how a picture appears in front of my face in any form, black and white, color, HD, streaming (gah, mind-blown), whatever. It absolutely baffles me. Wonkavision I totally get. That makes sense. An object breaks up into a million gazillion pieces and floats above our heads and reappears as a miniature version in a monitor in your living room. And then you can reach in and touch it. Makes sense. Television? Fuhgeddaboutit.
ghosts I get. 

So that's my secret. I don't understand it. But I'm amazed by it. And I'm trying to keep up with it, but goddammit, it's like trying to watch The Avengers while standing on your head. SO MUCH AWESOME IN A DISTORTED REALITY!

Here's the piece of technology that kind of really makes my brain ache (besides trying to understand touch screens, which only sometimes work for me cause I have anti-touchscreen fingers): how is it that the rest of the world seems to all be on an iPhone, regardless of socioeconomics or lifestyle? Go anywhere in the city and look around you. Dude on the light rail that smells like he just emerged from the gutter because he did ... on an iPhone. Parents standing in line for an emergency foodbox to feed their families ... on an iPhone. 12 year olds at a park talking about pornography and pedophilia while swinging on swings and appearing still childlike ... on iPhones. How did this technology take such a HUGE priority in our culture? Discuss.

I'm sure that once an iPhone is in my hands and in my possession I will see things a bit differently. Or maybe not. I'm not looking forward to feeling more tethered to the internets than I already do. But social media is my job, so it is kinda odd that I'm still clinging to my POS Blackberry with the Scotch-taped side and 2 hour battery life. But I'll wait until my contract is up, not rush things just because it would be fun to shop for accessories and cause every. single. person. in. my. life. is an iPhone-aholic. I'll wait until I have the money, real money, not plastic, to take that plunge. For a few more months I'll strive to become less tethered to constant connections and status updates and work emails at 10pm on a Friday night. And then when the time comes that I finally go "Okay. iPhone's here." and then hand it over to Tim to have him make it work for me, I'll hopefully not be so addicted that it becomes a growth on my hand and a distraction from my life.

But that, too, would be magic.

the accessories. i totally get that.


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