hard and fast and aging.

Remember when we used to talk about becoming a teenager? Some of us kind of quietly, postponing the awkward bra conversation with our mom for as long as possible. Some of us proudly sharing with friends our first whiff of our own body odor. It was about boobs and pubes. Hard and fast evidence of genuine maturation.

Then we got into our 20's and started teasing friends with "ha ha you're so old" when they couldn't bounce back from jaeger quite as quickly as a year ago. Or mock-frowning in the mirror over the teeniest shadow of a thigh dimple and then sighing "gaaahhhh I'm getting soooo old".

And then THEN, if we were so inclined, we would talk about having babies. And some of us did. We'd talk about the physical and mental side effects of that massive transformation. Some were passing swelling issues. Some were forever warped pelvic floors. We talked about all of them. It might be actually the loudest conversations that we have as women. Loudest amongst each other, loudest out to the world at large. Loudest because, well, they should be.

But now that the babies are bigger, now that the next decade is halfway over, now that we're finally getting ready to feel just one way for awhile, well, NOW there reallyreally IS hard and fast evidence of aging. And the conversations have shifted from "oh my god an elbow freckle!" to "these stretch marks aren't nearly as bad as Raquel's" (Raquel is fictitious and I have never admonished another woman's stretchmarks). to "Seriously?! My SPINE IS COLLAPSING?!" And you can actually pinch the goose neck sproutling at your throat. And when you wake up in the morning or stand up after sitting for 15 minutes you sound like a gang of knuckle-crackers, angrily rapping across the metal desktops of Ridgemont High. And that one secret chin whisker that you used to pluck once a month is emerging at greater frequency and it's bringing friends. And you actually do cut back on caffeine because yes, there are gigantic black bags under your eyes, and it's not your smoky smudged eyeliner.

see you at sky high!
And you know, I work for a diaper company and I have for several years, through two babies. So I've had and have a front row seat for these conversations. Just yesterday I stumbled upon dear kates, awesome undies that will help you safely sneeze. And they're adorable. I sent the link to my co-workers and partners in pee. Now we have a shipment of giggle undies on the way! And I'm excited about that! Because I'm going trampolining soon. Because my spine hasn't yet shrunk enough to prevent me from bouncing.

So. Hard and fast signs of aging. They've landed. Not like a smooth touch down on a tropical tarmac. But like Oceanic Flight 815 cracking open over a godforsaken devil's island. I'm not complaining. I'm just saying the conversation is shifting. And it's going to be a loud one.

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