A post I don't remember writing.

I just found all this in my notes on my phone. I haven't edited it at all. I remember writing it as much as I remember going to the grocery store 7 weeks ago. I probably did it. But I couldn't tell you for certain. So. That's a brain adventure.

The italics may have been unnecessary. 

Feb 10, 2013

Recount the day. Start with the shit. Not just the incredible amount of flaccid lipped poop talking, but the shit of how the day began. On my ass. Repeatedly. The immense frustration. There is no goddamn joy in racing down a mountain just to painfully ride up to the top again. I had Tim explain to me the fun. Why, no seriously, TELL me why this is a fun thing that people pay stupid amounts of money to do? How is this more fun than absolutely anything else in the world? I don't care about the cold, but it hurts! It's frustrating! It makes me an angry bitter gal. I haven't snowboarded in 7 years, so before my 30's even, which I can't even fathom cause I've been in my 30's for like 62 years now.

Then, it wasn't like there was a rainbow that sliced through my victim's visage and revealed a floppy happy muppet underneath, but I took it back a step or seven. Rode the easiest slope there was, and we went as a group. And we flopped down the mountain together. And I glimpsed just a teeny bit in my peripherals, which is where magic happens, a tiny bit of dancing joy, flittering about like a sugar high sugar glider on the edge of my vision.

Then we went up higher. Where I had no business being. Where I freaked out over the grade of the slope beneath me and gaped at the mountain top that seemed so close I could whistle the gravel off of it. And I spread my hands out in front of me to demonstrate the expanse of all I was seeing and muttered a "holy shit look at this view" to Tim, and thought this THIS is the joy I can relate to. This is where the birds get jealous of us. This is where my anxieties of scooting my rear down the side of a snowy mountain seems so minuscule compared to the massive effort it must take for the mountain to simply BE. And it doesn't seem anxious at all. Not even with all us little bugs squirming all over it.

Comments

Lei said…
I'm glad you found happiness you could relate to.

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