River's words.

There is no shortage of hilarity and wonder from the brain and mouth of River.  I thank my lucky stars that I get to be his mom. Here are some of his words from the last 8 years (in no particular order).

When everyone's up in heaven we'll all get our balloons back. - River to a sad Maggie
"glad I'm not that fish. or really, any fish at all."

Riv: You know what's great about nuts for boys? They're another word for our balls. (and he points down so I know what he's talking about) 
Me: Do you know what the real word is for them? 
Riv: Yes. My junk.

Putting Maggie to bed and someone knocks on the front door. I tell River not to answer it. After I put Maggie to bed Riv says "Mom, you should have answered it. She looked important. She was holding a pen."

Riv: School wasn't as good today. Skylar broke up. 
Me: She broke up? 
Riv: Yeah. She broke up on me. I don't even know what that means.

I just asked Riv if there was anything he wanted me to say on his behalf on FB about his first day of kindergarten. He turned to me and said "This is all I have to say" and then gave me a big hug. 

Attempting to explain addiction to a 5 year old: "It's like a bad habit, like when you bite your nails." 
Him "or when I pick my nose and eat it!" 
Me "So we just don't pretend to smoke cigarettes. Let's pretend to be an astronaut instead." Him "or a mailman on a unicycle!"

Me: Man, you sure are blonde right now. 
Riv: Blonde...but smart.

Well, River has an imaginary friend. He has pants with rats all over them. Blonde hair ("like me!") and a Superman t-shirt. His name is Jerry. And if you see him, tell him River's looking for him and that he can just "text" him. Seriously.

"mom, can I have another peanut butter and jelly sandwich? OR, better yet, a pile of jam on my plate?" 

4th of July quote of the day: Mom, it's our country's birthday. I think it's turning 8.

Me: Today's father's day. 
Riv: yeah, it's for moms too. 
Me: no, it's just for dads. 
Riv: Huh. Okay. I guess that's fair.

Explaining years, dates of birth, to Riv tonite, in relation to a Dr. Seuss book. "You were born in 2005, mama was born in 1977, Grandma was born in 1944, this book was written in 1940....." and River interrupted "so this book is just about to die."

"I think I might be a magical person."

woke up to "I'm 5 I'm 5 I'm 5 I'm 5 I'm 5 I'm 5 I'm 5!" coming from River's room. Poor guy. His birthday's actually tomorrow.

River's practicing his Harry Potter. " 'ermione! Ron Weasley! bloody 'ell!" "Give it 'ere or I'll knock you off yer broom!"

To the kind Mr. Round Table Pizza delivery man, my son has this to say to you "I'm gonna tell that pizza guy thanks. Thanks thanks thanks that is. Cause I LOVE this pizza."

"I'm going to go in the back yard to climb a tree. Right after I pee all over it."

"Dodgers means that they dodge, which is cheating. Dodgers are cheaters."

Riv: So I don't know any teenagers. 
Me: You know Mykayla. 
Riv: Oh yeah. But what about the vegetarians?

River: I like John Donaldson. He's a funny guy. 
Me: Who's John Donaldson? 
Riv: He's Manzer's cousin. He's a great guy. We should hang out. (Manzer is his stuffed lion, formerly named Leah, until he realized that lions with manes are boys and instituted an immediate gender switch).

River just said "Pinky swear me that you won't tell Dada this." We hook our pinkies and he whispers "I like aliens sooooo much."

Riv wants to know if "biscuit" is spanish for "english muffin".

River: who wants to see what's in my total package?

was listening to info about the documentary Crude on the radio and Riv asked "why do some people have oil in their yards?" in reference to some indigenous tribes in Brazil. I explained as best I could. He replied "Oh. I wish we had ice cream in our yard."

"It's two happy monsters smiling for the camera."   

Riv: I think thunder and lightening is a dog, flashing through the sky. 
Me: totally! Did you think that up in that little head of yours? 
Riv: Actually, mom, I have a strong head. And yes, I did.

just carved a vampire pumpkin BY MYSELF since River said "Ew. This weakens me." This from the kid who picked up roadkill two days ago.

River wants a TouchNBrush (not available in stores). River says "Did you hear that Mom? It uses EVERY LAST DROP of toothpaste."

River says he's changed his mind. He doesn't want to be a zombie for halloween. He wants to be a zombie's cousin.

left the latte on the roof of the car and drove off. River said "Well. I guess you'll just have to get a beer."

River just said "You're right! I AM 4 years old, because I'm bigger than the washing machine."

Riv "It's a robot destroying a town and a superhero flying over him, giggling."    


Lei said…
What is that fish thinking?

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